


Twice Strikes the Lightning

by obviouslyderanged



Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Highschool AU, M/M, Major Illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obviouslyderanged/pseuds/obviouslyderanged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is the new kid, yet again. And for the first time in his life, all he wants to do is blend in and be part of the crowd. But in a town as small as Holmes Chapel, with Harry Styles' sights set on you, it seems to be almost impossible.<br/>Warning: it gets angsty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely fictional. Obviously. Also please don't send this to anyone affiliated with one direction for fairly obvious reasons. Thank you and I hope it makes you smile at least once.

Louis Tomlinson, Doncaster lad. That was really a solid identifier that Louis had clung to pretty hard during those apparently crucial teen years of ‘self-discovery’. Holmes Chapel didn’t sit quite right on his tongue. Louis Tomlinson, Holmes Chapel lad just sounded really bloody stupid. But he knew exactly why he was here, and he was about to turn 18 so it wasn’t as if this was some terrible uproot right in the middle of a ‘who am I?’ crisis. Not that Louis had ever really had one of those, he was fairly self-assured.  
The worst thing as Louis imagined it was that Doncaster was not a particularly large town, fairly small in terms of population in comparison to Manchester and London and such. But Holmes Chapel was stupidly small. Some off-road corner of Cheshire, in fact Louis was fairly certain that no-one outside of Holmes Chapel knew that Holmes Chapel existed. Louis was loud, a constantly charged entity that burned brightly and excitedly in the crowd. How could the school kids here handle that, Louis wasn’t even sure that they had internet connection here.

Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School was…sweet. The kids seemed nice enough, chatting and laughing on their way to school. They smiled and chatted with one another, and though Louis could notice some obvious barriers between the year 7s and those he assumed were in sixth form, there didn’t seem to be any real ‘cliques’. Not really big enough for it, he supposed. On his way in one particular person caught his attention. A boy with hair amassed into a pile of curls on his head rested against the stone walls next to the heavy door that opened into the school. He fiddled with his fingernails whilst looking fondly bemused with the bickerings of a shorter blond-haired boy and strikingly handsome Asian. The shorter one threw a over-dramatised slap across the face of the other causing the curly-haired one to erupt with laughter, his deep dimples planting themselves in his cheeks. Louis suddenly felt horribly winded and overwhelmed as he hurried into the building.  
Collapsing against the lockers, he shook it off and pulled himself together, readying himself for the day.

In an attempt to be welcoming, Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School sets each new student up with a volunteer ‘buddy’. In Louis’ experience, the only kids who volunteer to help out the new students are ridiculously studious, serious and often fairly boring.  
“Hi. I’ll be showing you round. My name’s Liam. Payne. Liam Payne.”  
“Right. Ok, yeah. I’m Louis. You’re not from round here are you?”  
“Wolverhampton originally. Yeah.”  
“Oh – whoa. Ok. Didn’t see that one coming.” Louis laughed.  
Liam let an exasperated chuckle escape his lips. “So, you ready?”

Liam turned out to be a bit more on the serious side, definitely very studious, but not really all that boring. In actual fact, Louis was sure he could be very fond of the lad given some time. Considering it wasn’t as if he was swimming in friends or even acquaintences, he decided that spending his time with Liam Payne was preferable, and by lunch time Louis would easily have said that they were friends.  
Liam and Louis headed out the grassy courtyard-like area that seemed to be where most of the kids had lunch. There were a few cafes and the like scattered about that some of the older kids got lunch from and hung around, but other than those, most of the student body congregated around the building in the same general area. He spotted a familiar mop of brown hair moving towards a bakery across the road followed by the two boys Louis had spotted with him earlier.  
“Liam, mate, who’s that?” he asked.  
“What? Oh. That’s Zayn Malik, Harry Styles and Niall Horan. Zayn is the dark-haired one, I think he’s from Pakistan or somewhere like that. Harry’s from round here, that’s the taller one in the middle and the blond Irish fella is Niall.”  
“Oh ok, cheers.” Harry.  
“Why’d you ask?”  
“Oh, no real reason.” Louis said absently.  
Liam laughed. “Okay then.”

Louis final class, after lunch, was Mathematics, which was wonderful because he had solemly vowed to never pay any attention in that class and that meant he could allow his mind to be overrun with thoughts of Dimples. Smiling. Curly hair. Deep voice. Harry. Harry Styles. Not that fantasizing over a boy who had no idea that he existed was something that Louis was particularly used to, just he found himself intrigued. Something behind those green (blue? Green.) eyes that captivated him somehow. This wasn’t an infatuation, no, just a fascination. Just a desire to know him and be the reason that his mouth stretched into that beautiful smile. Just be friends with him.

Louis’ body ached as he flopped onto his bed that afternoon. There was something about a first day at school that was just so much more tiring than the average day. Not that Louis had the same abundant amount of energy anymore these days.  
“Louis, love, that you?” His mum called.  
“Yeah, I’m in my room.”  
“Ok sweetie. Try to have a rest before tea, yeah?”  
“Mum-“  
“Louis.” She cut him off in that very well-known tone of ‘do not test me on this.’  
“Ok.”  
He let himself settle on top of his covers and his mind process the day’s events, and his heart race at even the smallest flicker of light brown curls across his memory.


	2. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So short, I know! I'm not good with long chapters.

Louis fell fairly easily into Holmes Chapel routine; the town moves at a fairly leisurely pace which suits Louis just fine. Liam turns out to be a great mate, occasionally ridiculous, fun to be around, just not very good at going along with the more irresponsible or carefree things that Louis suggests.  
“Come on mate, it’s just History. Exams aren’t for ages. Let’s go do something, anything else.”  
“Louis. It’s homework. Due tomorrow.”  
“Yeah, I know, Li. Don’t really see how that’s relevant to be honest.”  
“How could that not be relevant?”  
“Oh, forget it. You’re hopeless.”  
Liam simply shrugged.

On a couple of occasions Louis had attempted to make a casual interaction with Harry. Something like “hey mate, got a pen?” but the circumstances were never ‘right’. He was always busy or talking to someone and Louis figured it best not to interrupt. Didn’t want to be rude after all. So he had simply decided to wait until the situation presented itself and until that point he would admire from afar.

Emerging from his English class, Louis headed straight to Liam’s locker to spend morning break together and complain a little about his teacher’s definition of what a little bit of homework was, and noticed Liam leaning against his locker with Zayn (if he remembered correctly) chatting to him, only slightly invading his personal space, a cheeky grin playing across his dark features.  
Zayn spoke in a deeper, quieter voice. He leant in occasionally close to Liam’s ear to whisper something almost… seductively. Wait, what?  
“Louis! Buddy.” Liam called in a fumble of awkwardness and clear discomfort.  
“Hey Li. What’s going on?” He turned his attention to Zayn. “Hey mate, don’t think we’ve met. I’m Louis.”  
“Yeah, hi. I’m Zayn. You new?”  
“Been here a week or so, so yeah.”  
“Well welcome to Holmes Chapel. I’ll catch you later. See you Liam.”  
Zayn let himself linger a little longer than necessary before moving down the corridor to where he knew that Harry would be waiting, stifling a laugh.  
“Well, well. What’s going on there?” Louis said teasingly.  
“Nothing. Never mind. Ready to go?”

“Zayn. I have never seen someone less interested in my entire life. I don’t even know why you bother.” Harry laughed.  
“He is interested. He just don’t know it yet.”  
“I don’t think he’s even entirely sure that you are.” Niall chimed in.  
“Get lost, both of you. Like you’re one to talk. Niall, you’ve not had a girlfriend since year 8, and it’s not for lack of trying. Harry, you’re just good at picking them.”  
Harry laughed cockily. “Trust me, it’s not cause I’m good at picking them.”  
“You’re a twat.”  
“Anyway, who’s the other kid? With the stripey shirt.”  
“Oh new kid. Why?”  
“Can you lot shut up? God I’m starving, let’s go.” Niall walked off.  
The three of them practically fell, laughing, through the door of the corner café by the school. Exactly where Liam and Louis had decided to get tea from.  
“You’re kidding.” Liam sighed once he noticed who was the cause of the ringing bell signaling that someone had entered the shop.  
“Is he stalking you or something?” Louis said, angling his head to look at Harry.  
“Well don’t look, are you an idiot? Just ignore them.”  
“How did you not mention that you were friends before when I asked?”  
“Because we aren’t.”

“Oh well look who’s here, Zayn. Hey Liam, buddy. How’s life treating you?” Harry asked, beating away Zayn’s pathetic attempts to cover his mouth.  
“Yeah, good, Harry. How’re you?”  
“Good.” He briefly turned his attention to Louis and flashed a brilliant smile. “Hi.”  
“Hi again Liam.” Zayn smiled. “Louis.”  
“Yeah, hi Zayn.” Liam said tightly. He reached for his and Louis’ teas as the barista passed them over, thanking him quietly before scurrying out the door.  
“Bye!” Louis called as he was dragged out the door.

The last thing he saw was Harry and Niall doubled over with laughter and a wholly embarrassed Zayn covering his face with his hands.

“Can you please explain that? Please.”  
“Zayn is… different. He’s a bit looser in terms of who he dates.”  
“I gathered he was gay, Li. He was flirting with you with full force.”  
“Not gay, Louis. I dunno, just everything. He kinda goes for a whole bunch of people. I don’t know if I give off the same-sex-attracted vibe but he has been talking to me like how you saw for about a year now. He’s a nice enough lad, just doesn’t get the ‘not interested’ idea.”  
“What? From you? No, I wasn’t getting that either.”  
“What?” Liam practically yelled. “I was not flirting with him!”  
“No, but you weren’t telling him to bugger off either. Get me?”  
“I was trying to be somewhat sparing towards his feelings. Look, shut up ok. This is the last thing I need to be honest.”  
“Simmer down, Li. I’ll drop it. Sorry.”  
“It’s ok. Why were you so silent?”  
“Oh no real reason. I’m just not so outgoing, y’know?”  
Liam laughed. “Obviously.”

In walking home that afternoon, Louis could only replay that instant in his head over and over again. The way Harry had looked directly in his eyes and smiled and “hi”. It was so genuine, if ever there was a genuine ‘hi’ that was it. How could someone be so casual and yet so obviously caring in the same gesture? Even Liam had seemed under his spell, unable to be bitter and cold to Harry even though he was clearly being that way to everyone else. Who was this Harry Styles person who breezed in and out of situations seamlessly, leaving behind near destruction in his wake? And yet Louis could hardly blame Harry for the way his mind intoxicated itself with thoughts of him – could only blame himself.


	3. Intrigue

Late one Thursday evening Louis had come to the conclusion that this was getting borderline ridiculous. To find yourself drawn to another person was simply human, we find ourselves attracted (whether sexually or not) to a lot of people throughout our lives. For whatever reason, maybe their personality is compatible to yours, they seem nice, have similar interests to you, or maybe for no obvious reason you just get along well with them. But Louis didn’t know Harry. Sure he knew that his left dimple was a little more prominent than his right, that he bit his lip when he was nervous or excited, that he was smart and cheeky and kind and confident. But Louis didn’t know Harry, and so really this incessant thinking about him, daydreaming, was practically stalker behavior and it was embarrassing. That was it, he decided, no more thinking about Harry Styles until they had an actual, real-life relationship.

Zayn strode into the halls of Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School missing his usual certain air of arrogance and mystery. His hair messy and unkept, clothes thrown together almost randomly with no attempt at casual finesse. His eyes wore dark rings beneath them, marks of the endless hours spent tossing and turning in his bed.  
“Whoa, big night last night Zayny?” Niall said patronizingly.  
“Fuck off, Niall.”  
“Zayn, you right?”  
“Not really man, no. I don’t get it. I’m attractive, right? I’m good looking. So it’s not that. I wouldn’t say I’m a horrible person or nothing. So I don’t get it. I said hi the other day and he literally walked right past me and didn’t even look at me.”  
“I’m guessing we’re talking about Payne?”  
“Who the fuck else? What, does he think he’s better than me? I’m trash or something?”  
“Maybe he’s just not gay, Zayn. Not everyone is, you know?” Niall offered.  
“No, that’s not it. I just reckon he’s not aware of it yet or something.”  
“Want me to talk to him, see if I can find out what his deal is?”  
“No, please no Harry. Last thing I need is you sticking your fat nose in it.”  
“Fat?”  
“Just leave it alone, yeah? I’ll sort it out.”  
“No, seriously. Fat? That’s unkind.”  
Zayn walked away, too wrapped up in his own misery to console Harry’s petty insecurities.  
Harry turned to Niall. “That was just him being cruel, right? My nose is fine.”  
Niall laughed and turned to follow Zayn. “Niall! Right?”

Louis was prodding aimlessly at his locker, more attempting to look as if he was busy, rather than actually trying to achieve anything.  
“Lou, have you done the Geography homework?”  
“Who are you talking to? Wait. Whoa, wait. Has Liam Payne not done his homework?”  
“No, of course I have. I was just wondering if you had.” Liam produced his own paper, followed by a second.  
“Did you actually do my homework for me? And not just copy the same thing, but actually re-write the paper to make it seem like me?”  
Liam nodded almost guiltily.  
“I’m not going to insult you, because you’re a great friend and I thank you greatly. I am however, mildly concerned that I didn’t even have to bribe you to do that.”  
“I had some spare time.”  
“Right, ok.”  
“Lou? Can I ask a question?”  
“Yeah, sure.” Louis said absently, flicking through the 7-page document Liam had done for him.  
“Have you ever thought about something and kinda thought it wasn’t for you, but then the idea wasn’t really so bad but it just wasn’t you? And like, what you kinda thought you wouldn’t like in the beginning, after some thought seemed not really so bad and actually something you could do. I mean, I haven’t. But I thought about it. I guess. Have you?”  
“Well I mean I thought I wasn’t going to like you, but you’re actually ok. Is that what you mean?”  
“No. Yeah. Never mind.”  
“Okay.” Louis chirped happily, clutching his paper.

The day moved at an achingly slow pace, but in walking home Louis found his mind much clearer than usual. The solace he found in mundane thoughts was unusual, but not queried, for there was undeniably something beautiful in a fleeting thought of ‘oh, cute. A puppy!’ The walk from school to his house was fairly lengthy, but pleasant, and usually didn’t cause any large internal debate about whether or not he should call his mother with an exaggerated, or rather non-existent, crisis in order to avoid it. He could, of course, drive himself, but his mother decreed that it was not ‘suitable, given the circumstances’, but as Louis was slowly discovering, nothing worthwhile seemed ‘suitable’ anymore.  
An obnoxious car horn woke him from his blissfully superficial thought train, in turning his head to evaluate the scene (a decision he almost immediately regretted), none other than Harry Styles pulled his car close to the kerb where Louis was walking and motioned for him to come closer.

“Hey. Where you headed?” Harry said brightly, leaning slightly to be seen from the window.  
“Uh, home.”  
“Right, yeah. But where’s that?”  
“I live just around the corner from the fruit shop a ways down.”  
“Oh ok, sure. Hop in, I’ll give you a lift.”  
“No, that’s fine. Thanks though.”  
“Come on, get in. It’s on my way.”  
Giving into his impulses Louis simply nodded and slipped into the car, barely able to suppress the grin that threatened to permanently force itself onto his face.  
As per usual, the first few moments of the car ride were spent in a silence that Louis expected to be awkward. Pleasantly surprised, he found being around Harry somewhat comforting, like they had been friends for long enough that words weren’t required anymore, which was odd considering that he wasn’t really sure that they were really ‘friends’ at all.  
“So you’re in sixth form, right?” Harry asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“How’re you finding it?”  
“Ah, you know, it’s alright. Bit too much work for my liking, but then again any work is too much for my liking. What about you?”  
Harry laughed. “Oh, I’m not in sixth. I’m two years below you.”  
“You’re what?” Louis exclaimed, startled. Wonderful, so not only was he fantasing about a bloke, he was fantasizing about a bloke who was two years younger than him.  
“I guess I’m flattered that you thought I was older.”  
“But Zayn’s in sixth, and you guys are friends.”  
“Yeah.” Harry said, somewhat bemused. “Niall’s the year above me as well, we’re just a bunch of misfits. Who says you can’t get on well with people who aren’t the same age as you?”  
“Yeah I guess.”

Falling into a comfortable conversation was easier than Louis expected, and after a while he forgot that Harry was only 16. He was far too consumed by Harry’s laughter and smiling and warm eyes to be worried by much else. When Harry pulled up to the fruit shop, Louis gave him the final few directions towards his house with a heavy heart.  
As the car slowed to a stop outside his place, Harry placed a friendly hand on Louis’ thigh.  
“If you want, I’d be happy to drive you home from school. If you don’t have better plans.”  
“No, not at all!”  
“Ok, great.” Harry laughed. “I’ll see you Monday, Lou.”  
Lou. “Yeah. See you Monday.”

And if he thought that this infatuation was about to dissipate at any point that day, he was entirely wrong. The car ride had only added fuel to the fire. Maybe Harry Styles wasn’t the human embodiment of perfection, but so far there was little to convince Louis otherwise.


	4. Questions and Queries

In their usual spot on the staircase beside the grand-ish doors to their school, Zayn and Harry stood, or rather leaned, in a way that appeared effortlessly cool but was really the reason for some of the lower back pain they would experience on a Friday afternoon.  
“Man, I’m really struggling here. I’m a bit confused if I’m going to be honest with you.”  
“Zayn, you’ve really got to let this Payne thing go, all he’s done so far is-“  
“I swear to God, Haz, if you make any awful pun right now that you mistakenly think is funny I’ll punch you in the face.”  
“Someone’s grumpy.” Harry rolls his eyes. “Someone hasn’t gotten any in a while.”  
“Well obviously. Isn’t that what I’ve been saying?”  
“No. I thought we were talking about Payne being frigid or, you know, straight.”  
“He’s not straight. And yeah, we were.”  
“Are you seriously doing this because one bloke won’t put out for you?”  
“It’s not just that you twat. It’s because this bloke won’t even talk to me.”  
“Right, well, uh…” Harry starts, but at that moment a small beautiful boy makes his way up the stone steps. He stares at his feet, looks at a loud laugh that erupts to his right. His blue eyes illuminate when they catch the sun and he smiles slightly to himself. As he smiles, Harry smiles. Dimples form in his cheeks and he is unable to think anything about other than the fact that he is looking at something very beautiful.  
“Right, well, uh what Harry?” Zayn says, annoyed that Harry seems uninterested in what he has to say. “What’re you smiling at?”

Zayn lets his eyes follow Harry’s eyeline. From what he can determine, Harry is either smiling at a lone backpack that has been left on the rail and is sure to be collected by a frazzled 14 year old just as the bell rings and he is late for class, or he is looking at Liam’s friend, Louis… again.  
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but this is the 5th time I’ve caught you staring at him this week.”  
“Hm? Who?” Harry mumbles, not paying attention. He smiles again when Louis almost trips on his shoelace and attempts to regain composure without being noticed.  
“Oh I see. You like him!”  
“Hm?”  
“You do. Holy shit. This is breaking news. Harry Styles has a crush on someone. Someone take a picture, note this down. History is being made!”  
“Zayn, what are you on about?”  
“You and this Tomlinson fellow!”  
“What about him?”  
“You like him!”  
“Fuck off.”  
“That just about confirms it!”

“Right, lads, what’s the news of the day?” Niall says cheerily, coming to stand beside them.  
“Haz’s got a little crush on the new kid.”  
“Your bloke’s friend?”  
“He’s not ‘my bloke’, but yeah?”  
“All right. Can I ask a question, boys?”  
“Shoot.” Harry exhaled.  
“What’s wrong with women? When did we decide we all want the d? I’ve not got a problem, we know that, but honestly.”  
“Niall’s right. Zayn, find yeself a lady friend and forget about this Liam fellow.” Harry mocked with a fair attempt at an Irish accent.  
And before Zayn able to retaliate, the bell rang and he was silenced.

Liam Payne had been having a rough few days. He’d been loaded with coursework, assignments, trying to get his study notes together for exams. His mum was out of town and his dad was busy, and a little hopeless when it came to the housework, and his sisters were lazy, or busy with friends, or something. Not that he really minded, he liked keeping himself busy. It was better than the overthinking that he had taken to recently. Everything was becoming more and more confusing all the time. As far as he was concerned, he was one of the most conventional and ideal sons that a father could ask for. He was good at sports, motivated, good with his sisters, his mother, didn’t get into fights but wasn’t a pushover. Gay? That just did not work with the mould. It didn’t sit right on his tongue.  
He tried to look at other boys in that way, imagine it a little, he’d even clicked on a hyperlink to a site that was probably illegal in a fair portion of countries, but closed it before it had even fully loaded. But even as he did it, it wasn’t even a guilty pleasure, it was just guilt and wrong. It felt funny in his stomach and his brain and body fought it at every turn. He’d tried to explain it to Louis but the words failed to form on his lips and for the first time in his life, language failed him. He was met with a blank stare followed by a myriad of questions that Liam eventually dismissed with a wave of the hand and “never mind”.

Some mornings he wouldn’t even think about it until he caught sight of dark hair that was perfectly ruffled so as to look effortlessly styled. He wanted to run his fingers through it, grab fistfuls of it, fiddle with it mindlessly while he watched a rerun of Friends that he’d seen a couple of times before. He got jealous once when Harry grabbed the back of his neck during a hug because he wasn’t allowed to do that. But what was worse was that he could absolutely tell without a doubt that Zayn would let him. Would like him to. But he couldn’t let himself. It seemed clear as day that as soon as Liam dipped his toe in the water, he was jumping in. And he wouldn’t be getting out.

Louis, on the other hand, had experienced this before. Thought about other boys, sometimes specific ones, sometimes just a pretty face. At one of his schools before everything took a very swift downward spiral towards ‘unbearable’, it turned out to be something the other kids weren’t very okay with and so he very quickly cast those thoughts back into the abyss from whence they came and continued on with other matters that were slightly more pressing. And so what if he liked looking at a boy’s eyes, they were incredible and it wasn’t gay, it was common sense. It was different, it wasn’t like that. He was sure.  
At least that’s what he was trying to convince himself for the umpteenth time when Zayn propped himself against the neighboring locker to Louis’.  
“Tomlinson?”  
“Yeah.” And then noticing who it was. “Oh, hey man. Looking for Li?”  
“No. Actually wanted to chat with you.”  
“That does not sound like it’s going to bode well for me.”  
Zayn laughed, clapped his hand on Louis’ shoulder. “What do you think this is, some American TV show from the early 90s? I’m not going to roughhouse you.”  
Louis laughed, albeit somewhat uncomfortably.  
“I know you’ve only been here for like 2,3 weeks, but you’re the only person I know who’d probably say they were friends with Liam.” Zayn continued. “What’s his deal, is it bad timing on my part, or is it me or, what’s happening?”  
“I would tell you something at least, if I could. I can’t. Sorry”  
“Is this one of those 'I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine' things?”  
“What is that meant to mean?” Louis laughed.  
“Okay, um. Harry’s not very wordy, or physical, but if he likes you he’ll never push you away. If he likes you, he’ll let you hug him or do whatever you want really, which is dangerous. But yeah. Okay.”  
“That’s real nice, Zayn. But why the fuck are you telling me this?”  
“I’m scratching your back, right? So.”  
“Oh I see. You think you’ve given me valuable information and so now I should return the favour. Okay. Liam likes the wrong football team and gets flustered very easily.” Louis doesn’t really know why he’s being such an asshole, but he can’t seem to stop.  
“I thought you were returning the favour? That information is not something I would deem valuable, and I knew half of that.”  
“Well, yes. The information you gave me was of the same amount of interest.”  
“That’s a plain lie. Oh no. I see, you too? Both of you? Bloody ridiculous. We can pick em. Unbelievable.” And with that he left.  
All that Louis was thinking is ‘so if I touch him, and he doesn’t move, he likes me?’ and ‘I don’t care. I don’t care about Harry Styles.’


	5. Conflict

Harry driving Louis home became a thing. In fact, after two weeks of being driven home from school, Louis realized he had no bloody idea where Harry even lived and whether or not he was going out of his way. Admittedly, Holmes Chapel was about the size of a small pond, so really it would only be a 3 minute detour tops. The rides in the car seemed almost like a different universe to the one that they existed in in the school hallways. The butterflies and sneaky glances and wonderment at the smoothness of the skin that stretched across Harry’s bicep were absent from their chats when Harry was behind the wheel. They were just two friends, laughing and enjoying one another’s company.

The first time that Louis declines a ride from Harry is on a Wednesday. During a chance meeting in the boy’s toilets at the end of lunch, Harry leaned in a little too close to Louis’ face and said “so I’ll see you around 3:15 at the carpark, yeah?”  
“Oh, no, not today. I have a thing. Tomorrow though for sure.” Louis smiled.  
“A thing? Oh. What kind of thing?” Harry felt the jealousy bubbling in his chest, irrational and ridiculous, but present nonetheless.  
“Just like an appointment. It’s nothing really but yeah, my mum’s getting me.”  
“I can give you a lift to that if you want.”  
Louis laughed. “Thanks, Haz, but my mum’s already said she’ll do it.”  
“Okay, just offering.” And there were those fucking dimples again. “So what’s the appointment anyway?”  
“Oh nothing.”  
“What have you got an STD or something?”  
“That’s disgusting. Seriously Harry it’s just a thing.”  
“Come on, tell me, I’m curious now”  
“Can you just not, Harry?” Louis snapped suddenly. He flung the door open and walked briskly out.

Whoa. Harry was completely taken aback by Louis’ behavior. He tried to replay the events in his head to see where he might have gone wrong and said something unnecessary or offensive. He didn’t understand, things like this just didn’t happen to Harry Styles. If Harry wanted you to be charmed, charmed you would be, if he wanted you to be offended, you’d be outraged. Harry had not intended to have Louis think he was anything but wonderful and it left him completely flabbergasted. In fact, for the past two and a half weeks, Harry had been standing too close, lingering his fingers on Louis’ wrist or lower back, smiling a little too much at everything Louis said, making eye contact with him, complimenting him. Doing everything in the bloody book that screamed “hey I think you’re attractive” and still Louis treated him like one of the guys.

Harry was not one of the guys. He did not want to be one of the guys. He wanted to be Louis’ guy. Louis’ boyfriend, or special friend, or something important friend. Was this rejection or plain ignorance? He had not really played the subtlety card. It really wasn’t necessary to whisper “I like your braces” hotly into another bloke’s ear, and still he had. He could have sworn he felt Louis shiver and turn to look into Harry’s eyes as if he was speechless.  
“No, he knows” Harry said aloud to no one in particular. “This is not happening. This does not happen.”  
Harry needed to prove that he could attain the unattainable and other than Louis Tomlinson, he only knew of one other formidable opponent.

The bell rung for the final class of the day and Harry sauntered over to Liam’s locker, where the Wolverhampton boy struggled with a stack of folders for his study period.  
“Want some help there, Li?” Harry asked, smiling brightly.  
“Harry. Oh, aren’t you- don’t you have a class now?”  
“Yeah, but just English. Come on, I’ll give you a hand.” He lifted three of the folders from the top of Liam’s pile and waited for him to close his locker before following alongside him to the library. “You’re really smart, aren’t you?”  
Liam laughed and…blushed a little? Wow this was going to be easier than expected. “No, I just work hard.”  
“Ah no. I’m sure it’s more than that. I mean I know I couldn’t do as well as you.”  
“You’re better than me at a lot of other things though you know? We all have our strengths and weaknesses.”  
“I dunno. I think you’d definitely have a lot more strengths than weaknesses. No flaws really come to mind.”  
Liam cleared his throat nervously and stared at the ground. “Oh they’re there, don’t you worry.”

As they arrived at the library, Harry shuffled his books over to hold the door open for Liam. At one of the study tables on the right, Zayn sat with his headphones plugged into his ear, doing nothing productive. Upon catching sight of an unusually tall pile of folders over which a tuft of soft, brown hair peeked, his heart began to race. Zayn had pretty much vowed never to spend time at school that could be spent elsewhere, but he was grating with his parents at the moment, and nothing seemed worse than being at home. Now, in discovering that this was a free period he could have spent staring at, thinking about, or talking to Liam, he found himself wholly disapproving of the idea.

As the initial excitement wore off, Zayn’s eyes came to focus on the figure who, now sitting a little too close to Liam in Zayn’s opinion, looked remarkably like his best friend. He watched as this intruder picked up Liam’s arm by the wrist and stoked down the back of his forearm, and continued to watch as Liam did nothing remotely similar to the convulsive flinching that he did whenever Zayn was in a 10 metre radius. He forced his eyeballs to sharpen around the figure of the stranger and as the brown curls and pale skin arranged themselves properly in his vision, Zayn almost doubted himself when he thought ‘Harry?’

“Harry?” He called, just to check. The boy’s head whipped around, searching for the source of the sound. When he spotted Zayn shaking his head in disbelief, collecting his things and moving toward the door, he spat “fuck” under his breath and raced after him.  
“Zayn. Zayn. Wait! For fuck’s sake, wait will you?”  
“Why in fucking hell should I? What the fuck were you doing? Just cause you’re Harry fucking Styles, and you think you can have anyone you bloody well want. Well you can’t. Fuck off.”  
“Zayn, it really wasn’t like that. Well it was like that, kind of, but I wouldn’t have done anything. I don’t, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to go with Liam.”  
“What, not good enough for you, is he?”  
“No! Not that at all mate. I just needed to prove something to myself”  
“What? You can get who I can’t?”  
“Louis blew me off, alright? I dunno he has some shit appointment or something that he wouldn’t say anything about and yeah anyway. I just freaked out or something and I needed to prove to myself that I was, I dunno, wanted or something.”  
“You’re such a fucking retard. Louis had an appointment you moron. He doesn’t have to tell you anything. Are you really that stupid and insecure? That kind of behavior is going to get you very ill mate, and don’t come crying to me when it does.” Zayn laughed.  
“I’m sorry, okay?”  
“Yeah, don’t even worry about it man. I thought I was pathetic.” Harry couldn’t find it in himself to be offended he was too relieved. “Next time, pick someone else though please.”  
“Sure.”  
That was one of the greatest things about their friendship, no argument seemed to last long. It was obvious that they both cared about each other far too much to ever willingly try and hurt one another. And it was easy to forgive something that could only have been a mistake.


	6. Waiting Rooms

There was something about the heavy silence in medical waiting rooms that made Louis’ skin crawl. Under the harsh fluorescent lights, people just looked sick. Even healthy, the oil on their skin shines like feverish sweats, their colouring tinges green and the bags under their eyes darken as if they have been plagued by weeks or months of insomnia. You can imagine what it looks like to be actually ill.

Twiddling his thumbs whilst his mother leafed through a crumpled, old magazine gave him some time to think. Which was never a good thing. He thought about the way he snapped so brutally at that beautiful boy who only wanted to help, and the way his brows furrowed with confusion and hurt after Louis spat at him. The feeling of it festered and fell like a bowling ball into the pit of his stomach, and what maybe looked like nervousness at the thought of getting back those all-important results, was actually just related to a boy.

Oh what a boy he was though. With the dark, curly hair, glistening green eyes and dimples to top it all off, he was nothing short of beautiful. And even though he lived with the air of someone who has never really had to try very hard for anything he’s ever cared about, there was something genuinely humbling about Harry Styles and the way it took him millennia to finish sentences, merely because of the amount of unnecessary pauses he had to take and how he spoke words as if he was hearing them for the first time.

From behind a clipboard, a face with librarian glasses perched atop a pointed nose looked over and called “Tomlinson? Lewis Tomlinson?”  
“Louis, yeah.”  
He stood, slowly. His mother clasped his hand and asked if he was alright as the two moved towards the door of the doctor’s office.

The next morning as the school bell rang, Louis fiddled with the woolen beanie balanced sloppily on the back of his head. With his glasses, beanie and cardigan he felt unusually trendy and even more ‘hipster’ than Harry, who leaned thoughtfully against his locker, looking as if he was either contemplating existentialism or thinking nothing at all. Nerves were a tidal wave against Louis’ tan skin, he knew that something would need to be said about the previous afternoon, but having never been one to make a big deal out of these sorts of things, he wasn’t used to apologizing. First period beckoned, and the opportunity was lost as Harry’s lanky limbs sluggishly pulled themselves down the hallway.

In fact, the opportunity was conveniently lost all day. It never seemed like the right time, and the longer he waited the bigger deal it seemed to become and everything became much harder than it had seemed in front of the bathroom mirror earlier that morning. Fiddling with the last few books in his locker at the end of the day, Louis felt tired and mostly ashamed of himself and his cowardliness. A soft thud against the metal next to him, pulled him from his conscience and he was met with a dimpled smile from a familiar face.  
“So ‘m I driving you home today, Lou?”  
“Look, Harry, I’m sorry about yesterday-“ Louis started, words tumbling out before he had even mentally registered them.  
“Don’t. It’s fine, you were right. Not my business”  
“Okay. Thanks.”  
Louis smiled gratefully for a time before feeling the weight of something in the air between them which was quickly severed by “So?” Harry continued, having received no answer to his question.  
“Oh um, yes. Thanks, if you’d like.”  
“Of course, I’d like to. You ready now?”  
Louis just nodded.

For the fourth day in a row, Zayn sat in the school library after the bell hunched over an array of books, and pens, and papers, feeling exasperated and hopeless. Though the turmoil in his house had been the original catalyst for his sudden interest in co-curricular activities and the study centre in the school library during the evenings, his maths results as of late called for some intervention. After being told that his average was pulling him down so much that he may not be able to pass the year, the carefree attitude that he had adopted as a teenager seemed more a curse than a blessing.

On the table opposite his, Liam sat typing away at God-knows-what. ‘Probably some extra credit thing that he devised for himself’ Zayn thought.  
His eyes fixed on the illuminated screen and his fingers moving rhythmically, almost without pause. He looked as if he were being controlled by some outside force, until the feeling of being watched caused his eyes to briefly flicker upward towards the tan boy’s desk. Though his fingers continued at the same pace, something that Zayn was overly impressed about, a new thought had evidently found it’s way into his mind. A decisive look came over the younger boy’s face and he left his desk, moving determinedly towards the increasingly panicked senior.  
“Do you need some help?” Liam’s voice was almost as smooth and chocolatey as the eyes that Zayn found himself lost in.  
“Oh um. I think I’m beyond help, actually.”  
“Well, what are you doing? Trigonometry?”  
Zayn nodded. “I think so, that’s the triangles right? Cause that’s what I’m doing.”  
Liam laughed warmly. “Yeah that’s the triangles.” He stopped, his eyes searching as his mentally debated with himself. Almost as if he was attempting to summon some courage, he rose his shoulders and exhaled “Icouldhelpyouifyouwant”.  
“What?” Zayn asked, more out of shock than confusion of what was said.  
“I could tutor you, if you need help? I’m good at maths.”  
“Would you actually?”  
“Yeah. If you thought it would help.”  
“I’m sure you’re –that’s – exactly what I need.” He smiled.

Guess who’s got a study date? Me! With Liam! And he asked me! Can you believe it? – Zayn xx

Harry chuckled to himself, Zayn was so endearing when it came to Liam. It was such a difference from the mysterious, brooding type that the other boy often presented himself as.  
Quickly sending back a

I hope all that ‘studying’ works out for you. I’m sure you can teach little Li Li lots. – H xx

Before turning the ignition on, Harry settles into his usual position behind the wheel with Louis to his left.  
“You’re really rocking the beanie today, Lou.”  
“Thanks, you’re my style icon.”  
“I thought as much. You’re really committed though, you’ve been wearing it all day even inside. My head gets itchy with them I always take a break. Don’t feel bad if you need to.”  
Louis huffed. “Please, I’m not weak like that.”  
Mocking shock, Harry put his hand to his chest and exclaimed “Are you calling me weak?”  
“Never, Harold. But I’m definitely not calling you strong.”  
“You’ll take it off before you change outfits, I know you will.”

To be honest, the beanie was driving him absolutely mad, but the rather sizeable clump of hair that had detached itself from his head during the usual morning shower had struck him with more terror than he would readily admit. The mere thought that someone – anyone – might notice that was far too unbearable. The beanie was truly more a safety measure than a fashion statement but he definitely wasn’t ready for Harry to know that yet.

And as they laughed easily, Louis only wished it was something he didn’t have to know, ever. Entirely because, even more than he wished to be able to press his lips to Harry Styles’ beautiful mouth, he wished that this one thing didn’t have to be true.


	7. Midnights and Mornings

Louis felt like he had never really appreciated mornings before. The all too laissez-faire rituals of breakfast-eating and teeth-brushing, with the easy throw-on of clothes that didn’t look completely ridiculous together were not all-together gone, but now somehow lost. In amidst the pill-taking and the half-hour spent in front of the mirror examining newly visible ribs and ensuring that yes, you definitely could not tell that Louis was going bald, the simplicity of half-awake mornings seemed to be something of the past. Louis was missing the past more and more with every waking moment. The schooldays were becoming more difficult to deal with, mostly due to the fact that by midday Louis was barely able to keep himself upright. He was frequently forced to miss classes in order to sneak in a nap in the nurse’s office. He was falling behind and unable to continue looking like nothing was wrong. 

Liam’s face had adopted an almost permanent look of concern. He had even asked a few of Louis’ teachers on Louis’ behalf - not that Louis actually asked Liam to do anything in the first place – for extensions on homework and assignments. Liam was far too serious and sensible to be 18, Louis decided. He shrugged off Liam’s worried questions with a childish grin and pulled himself together as best he could for the moments spent with his friend. The mere thought of Liam finding out the truth was beyond comprehension, there would be no normalcy anymore. Liam, in trying to be the best human being possible, would suffocate him and drive him to his grave. Luckily, Harry (and everyone else) seemed to be completely oblivious to any problems at all. He never once commented on the weight loss or paleness of Louis’ face. He laughed still, brashly and unashamedly at his breathless jokes and still looked like the sun shone and the birds tweeted as if the world was directed by Walt Disney. It made Louis crave him even more. Sometimes the world was complete bliss, like when Harry was driving them both home and clamping his hand over his mouth to swallow a guffawing laugh and in that sound, Louis forgot that he was sick.

“Lou, what are you up to this Saturday?” Harry asked nonchalantly whilst they paused at a traffic light.  
“Um, you know my usual things. Maybe I’ll go to a rave, do some hardcore drugs, just live my generally rowdy life.”  
Harry’s brow furrowed as he tried to work out whether Louis was being sarcastic or not. Sometimes, it went straight over his head. He ended up chuckling slightly after an awkward pause.  
“So I guess you’re not going to be free to come to a party with me then? It’s probably less your speed, y’know, I’m pretty sure no one will die. Although, maybe if the neighbours are shitty the cops will be called?”  
“Well, you’re right, that does sound positively dismal. But you’ll be there?”  
“Mmhmm.”  
“Well, then perhaps I’ll make an appearance.”  
“Great! So just hypothetically, maybe I can come get you around 8 on Saturday night?”  
“Hypothetically, I might be ready then.”  
“Right so I’ll see you then. Hypothetically.”  
Louis laughed. “I don’t think you’ve really grasped the whole hypothetical thing quite yet, Harold. Yes I will see you at 8, thank you for inviting me.”  
“Thank you for agreeing to come. I can tell it’s going to be fun now.”

“Liam!” Louis immediately half-yelled into the phone, after Liam had picked up on the third ring because he’s a useless twat who doesn’t understand when Louis’ made an emergency phone-call. Or perhaps Louis was just stressed. “Something terrible has happened; Harry invited me to a party!”  
“I thought you liked Harry?”  
“I do! But I don’t go to parties. I play FIFA and babysit pre-pubescent girls.”  
“What makes you think that I would have any useful advice?”  
“No I don’t think that at all, Liam. I’m not stupid. I need you to come with me.” Louis pleaded.  
“No.”  
“Please?”  
“No.”  
“Aw, why not?”  
“Zayn will be there?”  
“So?”  
“So, no.”  
“Liam don’t be such a spoil sport. I’m your friend, this is my time of need. I thought you were a humanitarian.”  
“I can’t. I’ve got a lot of course work and my mum would never agree to it and it’s just out of my hands.”  
“I’ll tell all my teachers that you’ve been doing my assignments.” Louis threatened.  
“Why would you do that? You’ll get in trouble”  
“Uh huh. And so will you.”  
“No, Louis, you can’t.”  
“I will. Come to the party.”  
“I can’t believe that I’ve helped you with your homework and you’re using it to blackmail me.”  
“I know, I’m a lousy sod. So it’s this Saturday. Come round to mine at about 7:30, Harry’s collecting us at 8. Love you Liam.” Louis was met with a dial tone, but he felt a lot happier knowing that Liam would be there should things go terribly. 

Because things would definitely go terribly. Harry would end up wrapped around some skinny, blonde girl and Louis would be left alone on the sofa with a pint of warm, flat beer. Then he’d probably puke on his own shoes and walk home, and it would start raining because this is England so it rains 90% of the time and-  
Louis stopped himself. “No, this is going to be a great night.”

Saturday rolled around faster than was comprehendible and before Louis knew it, it was 6pm Saturday night and he was lying in bed, unshowered and in his underpants, completely lacking anything resembling motivation to change his current state. He knew that Liam would be over in an hour and a half. He knew that he had absolutely no idea what he was going to wear, and that it would definitely take him a long time to decide what that was, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.  
About an hour and fifteen minutes later, he pulled himself from the fetal position, showered faster than he ever has in his entire life and pulled together a mediocre outfit. He was only just clipping on his braces when the doorbell rang. Liam looked mostly grumpy, but other than that, Louis had to admit, rather dapper. He was dressed in charcoal jeans and a light grey t-shirt that stretched perfectly across his sculpted torso. His hair was perfectly quiffed, in true Liam fashion, there was not a hair out of place. Louis looked down at himself and his bright red jeans, striped blue shirt and braces and felt like a two-year-old.  
So the first thing he said was “fuck.”  
“What? Is there something wrong? Was the party cancelled and you forgot to tell me?”  
“God, no. Liam. It’s about me obviously. You look fantastic. I look like I should be crawling into a playpen. It’s all wrong.”  
“Oh um well, thanks, and no you don’t. I think your outfit is cute. So colourful!”  
“Ugh.” Louis mock-gagged. “Nothing I own is of the mysterious-and-attractive persuasion, y’know?”  
“I think you should go for darker colours, but perhaps something blue to bring out your eyes. Have you got any indigo or navy?” Liam immediately swung into action, following Louis’ lead to the wardrobe. There was truly nothing that Liam was not above average at, was there?  
By the time Harry arrived, Louis had changed into a pair of black jeans, a royal blue t-shirt, with a dark denim jacket over the top. It must’ve startled Harry because it took him a moment to form a coherent sentence.  
“Um, wow, you look. Wow. Hi” He smiled. Luckily for Harry, if he was trying to be charming, Louis went completely, embarrassingly weak at the knees for that dimpled smile, and so pretty much anything that came out of Harry’s mouth whilst those dimples were on display was exactly the right thing to say. Or rather it didn’t really matter because Louis wasn’t paying attention at all.  
Harry was wearing his signature outfit, stupidly tight black jeans and a white t-shirt that exposed his collarbones and the swallows inked just beneath them. Only this time he was also wearing a dark green bandana to pull back his wild curls, and without his usual jacket to cover up the myriad of tattoos on his arms. Louis was immensely happy that he changed his outfit.  
“Oh, um hi Liam.” Harry continued after Louis didn’t reply – rather he just smiled stupidly and nodded to no question.  
‘Right, shit.’ Louis thought to himself. He’d completely forgotten to tell Harry that Liam would be coming too.  
“Yeah, sorry. Um is it okay if Liam comes with us?”  
Liam smiled awkwardly, Louis could practically feel his discomfort radiating like heat from his skin.  
“Of course! Not at a problem at all.” Harry beamed. “Are we all ready to go then?”

The party was absolutely nothing like Louis had pictured. In his mind it was either going to be a thousand people jumping around to dubstep, all completely high and drunk and probably going to need their stomachs pumped. Or it was going to be a few people chilling with a few drinks with some background music. There was about 60 people, Louis estimated, talking and dancing and drinking in little pockets around whoever person’s house this was. There was a table, set up with drinks and basic foods, a big space out the back of the house, on the grass, to dance, and sofas positioned around the living and dining rooms where people were either talking, eating, or making out.  
Louis caught sight of a couple making out against the staircase, although the guy seemed to have his hand up the girl’s skirt and was making no effort to seem like he didn’t. She was making no effort to seem like she wasn’t enjoying it either. He was in equal parts startled, and jealous.  
“D’you want a drink?” Harry spoke into his ear.  
After Louis nodded, the three of them made their way over to the drinks table where Harry made them a very alcoholic, but rather delicious concoction. Louis was about half-way through his drink, which he was attempting to consume at a rather rapid pace in the hope that a slight buzz would make this whole situation far less nerve-wracking, when Zayn arrived at the table, greeting Harry warmly and smiling charmingly at Liam. 

Liam had never drunk alcohol before in his life. As a result, about 3 sips of Harry’s cocktail practically had him slurring his words.  
“Zayn, hi!” He smiled brightly, startling the other boy.  
“How you doin’, Liam?”  
“I’m fantastic. Especially now that you’re here. I love this house!”  
“Thanks, it’s mine.”  
“What?”  
“It’s my house. Do you want a tour?” Liam nodded. And just like that, they were gone. The realization that he and Harry were finally alone dawned on Louis like an August sun. He stared intently out into the party, frozen. He fought internally to convince himself to say something, but nothing even remotely interesting came into his mind. Luckily, Harry spoke.  
“You sit down over there,” he motioned to a free sofa in the living room, “and I’ll bring us some more drinks.”

The rest of the night passes in a blur. He remembers Liam, holding Zayn’s hand and leading him up a staircase, he remembers vomiting in the grass and the bushes, he remembers Harry shaking him up from a deep sleep and pulling him into a cab to take him home. The only thing that Louis remembers with any clarity is Harry Styles tucking him into bed, pressing those beautiful lips to Louis’ cheek and whispering “night, Lou. Sleep well.” If he wasn’t so drunk, he probably would’ve fallen asleep smiling.


	8. You could stay with me for now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from 'Cold Coffee' by Ed Sheeran which is my obsession at the moment.

Morning dawned on Liam like an anvil to the head. He groaned and rolled over to the other side of his bed to check the alarm clock. 9:30. He had never woken up so late in his life. Half of the morning was gone, but the light offended him and his muscles ached so he decided to curl himself up into the covers just for a few more minutes. Until drunken memories came upon him like a tidal wave of ‘oh God, did that really happen?’

He remembers staircases, and falling up them laughing. He remembers shots, and more shots, and more shots. He remembers his hands running though smooth, dark hair and his lips pressed against the warm skin of someone’s neck. Hands roaming over his back and arms and shoulders and face. And the last thing to peel itself from the pool of intoxicated memories is the face of the person that he spent the whole night exploring: Zayn Malik.   
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no” Liam said to himself in more than a half-panic. He surely didn’t have enough to drink to do that, did he? Nothing could have possessed him to do that. 

He sloppily pressed his fingers on the number pad of his phone.  
“Louis! Oh my God, Louis!” Liam yelled.  
“Liam, you do truly re-define the term ‘rude awakening’. What possible reason is there for waking someone up at… 9:30 in the morning? Sod off, Liam I’m going-“  
“I’m pretty sure I made out with Zayn” Liam interrupted.  
“You did what now?”  
“I’m not really sure. I mean there was a lot of alcohol and I don’t really remember much but I’m pretty sure. And, fuck, Lou what have I done?” Liam was practically hyperventilating at this point.  
“Calm down, Li. Look, even if you did it doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure Zayn won’t assume all that much from a drunken snog. If he even remembers it at all. Everyone does these stupid little things, it’s okay.”  
“It’s not okay, Louis! It’s definitely is not okay! I made out with…a boy.” Liam spoke the last bit quietly as if he were worried someone in the empty room would hear him.   
“Oh I see, that’s more what this is about. It’s okay to be gay or bi or anything else. It’s even totally okay to be straight and just make out with a guy for the hell of it. It’s absolutely okay, Liam. You just need to think things through a bit, yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Just take today to sort it out. Don’t do any homework or housework or studying. Just think about last night, and Zayn, and boys and girls, and most importantly – you.”   
“Yeah”  
“Okay?”  
“Okay. Thanks Lou.” Liam hung up. It was much easier said than done to just think that this was all okay. It was definitely not okay. Not for Liam. Not that he had an issue with anyone’s sexuality or behavior; it was more about who Liam was. Liam was a straight-A student, who didn’t binge-drink or do drugs or even forget to do his homework. He went to bed at 10pm every night and woke up at 7:30 everyday. He cleaned up after his meals, he exercised every day, and he was never disheveled or untidy. Last night was so out of character for Liam, he decided it wasn’t him. Liam Payne would never behave that disgustingly, and so the only conclusion was that he didn’t. That never happened, and even it did happen it was so unimportant and irrelevant to the rest of his life that it might as well have never happened.   
“Yep, it’s fine. Never happened.” Liam said, as if verbally reassuring himself.

Louis didn’t mention the phone call, or the party, to Liam on Monday morning. Liam did the same. Louis’ life was pretty much the same as always, except for the small smile that Harry gave him whenever they passed in the hallways. How he now ducked his head and smiled and went a little pink, his curly hair hanging over his face like a shield. He blamed his excessive vomiting on Sunday as being the result of too much alcohol, not of anything else. He knew his mother couldn’t handle noticing the side effects. And if he collapsed on the bathroom floor for a few unconscious moments, well that was something she didn’t need to know either. Louis simply packed all those little things into a little private pocket he had made for himself and continued to pretend like he was just a teenager. Just any other teenager for whom old age and death were too far away to even be something really work thinking about. 

During the mid-morning break, Zayn had finally worked up the courage to approach Liam. Saturday night had been the best party of his entire life. He’d only drunk a couple of beers before Liam had arrived. They spent practically the whole night together, which was definitely not what Zayn had thought was going to happen. It was the best thing to be wrong about. Liam had laughed and smiled, and wrapped his arms around Zayn like he needed him to be close. He had pressed his lips tentatively to the skin between the other boy’s neck and shoulder and run lines down his forearm. There was absolutely no way that things wouldn’t be different now.   
“Hey, Liam.” He thought he saw the other boy go suddenly rigid, but that was probably just his imagination.  
“Zayn, hi.” Liam gave a small smile.   
“Bet you felt pretty rough yesterday, huh?”  
“Yeah I mean, you could say that.”  
Zayn laughed. “Yeah me too, hey. Did you have a good time though?”  
“Well I’d never actually been to a party like that, so I don’t really have anything to compare it to. But I thought it seemed like a success?”  
“Yeah I thought so, too.” Zayn replied, blissfully unaware that Liam hadn’t really answered the question at all. At that moment, Harry waved him over from the other end of the hallway. “Anyway, I’ll catch you later, yeah?”  
“Yeah” Liam gave a small smile.   
Zayn was walking on sunshine. Practically walking down the motherfucking yellow brick road, really. That was potentially one of the best things that had happened whilst sober. They had a conversation. Whenever Zayn found someone to be fixated on, he generally obsessed over them until they caved. Pretty much, if this were anyone else, Saturday night would have been enough for Zayn to decide that he really wasn’t that fussed over Liam Payne, and he would have thought nothing more about that boy. He would’ve moved on to another equally beautiful creature and the cycle would continue. But for the first time in a long time, that hadn’t happened. Speaking to Liam made the butterflies in his stomach dance all throughout his insides. He felt a rush of something he couldn’t describe through his entire body. Hell, this was the first time since Harry that he hadn’t been able to just move on. And yes, Harry, but that was something that wasn’t really spoken of any more.

When Harry and Zayn had first started becoming close at the beginning of high school, a few months after Zayn had first moved to Holmes Chapel, he might’ve had a little infatuation. Harry was gorgeous and charming and one of the first people to be genuinely nice to him, so of course there was going to be a few extra feelings. However, about a year or so into their friendship, Zayn had tried it out. Had leant in a little closer to Harry’s lips until Harry spoke.  
“Zayn, you don’t want to do this. You don’t like me. I think our friendship is more important that you doing this to figure out what we already know.”  
It had stung and burned in that moment more than Zayn had cared to admit, but the truth was Harry was right. Zayn didn’t really like Harry like that, he liked him like a friend, and as per usual, he had pulled the idea of Harry too close, and been unable to see past this version of Harry to remember what the real Harry was like. It wasn’t spoken about again. Zayn had never been more thankful to anyone than he was to Harry for saving their friendship that night. 

“Zayn, what was that I just saw? Talking to Liam Payne, all casually and in public?”  
“Fuck off, Haz.” Zayn said, smiling. “Did you have fun?”  
“Yeah, I mean I had to take Louis home and put him to bed a bit earlier than I would’ve liked. But it was great, Z, really.”  
“’Put him to bed’ did ya?” Zayn laughed.  
“Not like that. Get your head outta the gutter. No but I literally carried him from the car, and I’m telling you he’s light as a feather. Like there’s really nothing of him, I never really noticed before.”  
“I guess he is pretty small.”  
But really Zayn didn’t care at all about Louis Tomlinson’s size or weight or whatever-the-fuck-else because last weekend he kissed the boy of his dreams and he thought maybe, just maybe, he might be able to do it again.

Louis buzzed the whole day anticipating the ride home with Harry. Drunk or not drunk, Harry had kissed him on the cheek with the kind of tenderness drunken strangers don’t give one another. It was enough to mean something, but not enough to be able to be written off as “well he was drunk”, and that was Louis’ favourite kind of thing to happen. They had said nothing to each other all day, only exchanging loaded glances and shy smiles. Not even the pounding in his head or the weakness in his bones could dampen his excitement. 

Harry stood at the doors when Louis walked out that afternoon, saying nothing he simply nodded his head and moved toward the car. Louis followed, and they began the car ride in the most comfortable of silences. Although usually Louis would be battling internally about whether or not he should start a conversation, and if yes, what he should talk about, this time there was a different complication on his mind. A slightly bigger, more significant complication that would be taking a bigger gamble than Louis was used to. In more ways than one this would be pushing him backwards, it would be making a mistake, but at the same time this could be the best mistake he’d ever make in his life.   
So when the car pulled to a stop outside Louis’ house, and Harry turned his head to say goodbye, Louis thought ‘fuck it’ and pressed his lips ever so lightly upon the other boy’s and whispered “thank you” before getting out the car and going into his house.   
Harry sat in his car for a good five minutes, smiling to himself before pulling away from the curb.

Well that’s one good thing about dying, Louis decided, the consequences suddenly don’t seem so bad.


	9. Stop your crying baby, it'll be alright

One of the more disgusting and ridiculous things that Harry Styles has ever thought about is the difference between the taste of his saliva and that of someone else’s. In fact, Harry has kissed many people in his short life and it’s not something that he has really ever thought of before, but here he was thinking it. In fact, he was thinking of this in particular relation to one Louis Tomlinson. He thought about how soft and warm his lips were upon his own, about the fact that he could remember that given how quickly they had been pressed together. 

Kissing, in Harry’s experience, was often hit-and-miss. It doesn’t always mean that beautiful people kiss well, or that a first kiss with someone you really care about is amazing for reasons other than that it happened. But this kiss was amazing. Was it even a kiss? It was so quick and light it reminded him of playing house with the kids at pre-school. It was so important and yet so unimportant at the same time. And, driving into school it was all-consuming, it was never-ending, simply a myriad of scenarios, of things that could happen. His imagination had never been so wild, and he had never been so excited to go to school. 

Only that didn’t last long. 

Needless to say there was one reason why Harry was excited, and when that reason didn’t present itself, there was only one reason why Harry was very, very disappointed. Why isn’t he here? He thought, unable to even pretend to be on Zayn’s level. Although, to be fair, no one on the planet was on Zayn’s level right now.  
“And it was just a conversation. He didn’t really seem like he was freaking out or anything! Why does everyone say problems can’t be solved with alcohol? Clearly problems can absolutely be solved with alcohol. What should I say when I see him today?” Zayn rambled.  
“I’m not sure that I can believe I even need to say this, but shut the fuck up Zayn” Niall laughed, a little annoyed. “I’m going to scare Payne away from you just so I never have to hear about those same 2 hours ever again in my life!”  
“Speaking of..” Zayn started, “Hey Liam!”  
Liam leaned against his locker, talking to a class-mate about an exam they had both just taken before he heard his name called from down the hallway.  
“How are you doing?” Zayn asked as Harry and Niall caught up.  
“I’m good, guys how are you?”  
Harry and Niall smiled.  
“Anyway, so I was hoping you might be able to help me again this week? Maybe Wednesday after school?”  
“Yeah sure, Zayn” Liam said, a little absently.  
“Great! Okay, um yeah-“  
“Liam, is Louis here today? I mean like have you seen him around?” Harry cut in, oblivious to the daggers Zayn was attempting throw with his eyes.  
“Oh, no Harry. Sorry, I’ve not heard from him actually.” Liam said.

Louis had spent his entire day on the sofa. His mother had fussed so successfully that he only had to get up to go to the bathroom, and she seemed to consider how to make that easier as well. It wasn’t good. Johannah was not a particularly ridiculous woman. She didn’t usually fuss, or baby Louis – well at least not as much as she did his sisters. So when she said it, he wasn’t surprised. He was just hoping that it wouldn’t be this soon. “Louis, baby, maybe it’s time we thought about making your life a bit less stressful. I don’t know if school is a good idea anymore, honey.”  
“Mum please,” Louis started, “I’ve got barely anything left to go. I would love to finish. It’s only a few more months until I’ve graduated and then whatever”  
Johannah gave that learned parent look, like they know you’re wrong but they’re trying to be kind. “Okay, we’ll try for a bit longer. But at the end of the day, you need to listen to your mother. We’ll just have to see how we go.”  
Louis breathed a sigh of relief. And yes, it was exhausting all the time, he always felt at least a little tired and a little sick, but there was something there that made him feel alive. More alive than EastEnders and Hollyoaks could ever make him feel.

Harry spent the whole day perhaps unreasonably distracted. After all, people miss school all the time, but Harry had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He was unconvinced that there was nothing to worry about. Why hadn’t Louis texted him? Or Liam? But more importantly, him. The final bell rang, and Harry rushed to his car without saying goodbye to any of his friends. He drove to Louis’ house and spent about 30 minutes sat in the car on the opposite side of the road. He considered driving off, or going in, or sitting there forever.  
Eventually his choice was made for him.  
“Are you okay?” A woman called. “Are you lost?”  
“Oh um, no” Harry fumbled to get out of the car, “Sorry no, I was just, um, I was just here to see Louis. He, um, missed school today and I thought, um maybe, I’d just drop off some notes.”  
“Right. I’m Johannah,” The woman extended her arm as Harry jogged over the road, “I’m Louis’ mum.” She smiled. She seemed warm and friendly, until she looked Harry up and down and said, “You must be Harry” and let him inside. 

“Louis is in the living room, you can go on through. Did you want a drink?”  
“No thanks, Mrs. Tomlinson.” Harry said, trying his best to be impressive.  
“Johannah is fine, Harry. No Mrs. Tomlinson here”

“Hey, Lou” Harry smiled and shook out his curly hair. “How are you, mate?”  
Louis was petrified. He was wearing grey track pants and a white t-shirt. He hadn’t showered that day. He hadn’t done anything, it was hardly a pretty sight.  
And Harry was nothing but a heavenly sight, one he barely realized how much he had missed until his saw him, and that smile. My god, that fucking smile.  
“Hey Harry, didn’t expect to see you here!”  
“Yeah, well you weren’t at school today and I was worried so I thought I’d drop in and see how you were doing?”  
“I’m okay, I’m just a bit…” Louis saw his mother lurking by the kitchen door, “I’m fine, let’s go upstairs.”  
Louis led Harry upstairs, begging that his sisters wouldn’t hear the extra pair of footsteps, and to his bedroom. He closed the door once Harry had wandered in and flicked the light on. It suddenly seemed so intimate, having Harry in his bedroom. Alone. He motioned for Harry to sit on the bed, and perched himself beside him.  
“So I can’t say I’m not surprised that you have just showed up, Styles”  
“Yeah I’m sorry. Is that okay?” Harry asked, suddenly self-conscious that perhaps he had overreacted.  
“Of course. I’m just surprised.” Harry nodded, still looking a bit sheepish. “Pleasantly surprised” Louis finished. 

“So, um, now that it’s just us...” Harry bit his bottom lip and looked up with his beautiful green eyes. Louis imagined that Harry was leaning in closer, or so he thought but the moment Harry pressed his lips against him there was no doubting that this was reality.  
Harry wrapped his fingers around the back of Louis’ neck and used his tongue to open his lips. He pulled the smaller boy close, and every inch of skin felt like it was on fire. Harry lay back on the bed and pulled Louis on top of him. He ran fingers through his hair as they gasped and struggled to somehow get more.  
They lay together for what seemed like hours, pressing against one another and kissing as much as skin as they could get to.  
Harry trailed his fingers along Louis’ chest and played with the hem of his t-shirt, silently asking if he could take it off. Paranoid that Harry would see the way his ribs jutted out underneath his borderline translucent skin and panic, Louis directed his attention elsewhere. Harry didn’t mind. This was more than he could ever have expected.  
“Louis!” Johannah called from downstairs, “Dinner is in half an hour, is Harry staying?”  
“Oh um, no thank you Mrs- Johannah, my mum will be wondering where I am. But thank you”  
Louis laughed a little, quietly and tried to straighten himself up as much as he could. He looked at Harry’s bright red, swollen lips and it was all he could do to not kiss them again and again and again.  
“So, um, maybe I can take you out sometime?” Harry asked meekly. “Dinner or something?”  
“Yeah that’d be good” Louis managed, his heart threatening to explode from his chest, his breath barely able to stay in his lungs.  
“Great” Harry smiled, before walking out the door and flashing one more brilliant smile for good measure. He lingered a moment “will you be at school tomorrow?”  
“Yeah, I will tomorrow”  
“Great.”  
As soon as the door clicked closed, Louis lay back on his bed.  
“Tomlinson, what the fuck are you doing?” He said to himself, running his fingertips over his lips. “This is such a bad idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because I forgot how much I loved them. And because Sign of the Times and because everything


	10. The Butterfly Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first step towards the sadness

It was November and the winter chill was really beginning to set in. Louis had taken to wearing vests and long-sleeve tops underneath his school clothes to keep the warmth in, and the fact that they made him look less able to be blown over by the slightest gust of wind was a bonus. He was back at school, but his mother had rather unfairly gone to the school to let them know of what was going on and even though the school had agreed to keep it private, Louis was perfectly well annoyed to have to rearrange his classes to ensure that he had no rooms on upper levels of the building. Perhaps the only good thing about the arrival of winter was that no one was questioning why he was wearing a beanie all day, every day. His hair was so thin, just completely missing in some spots, and he knew that soon it would be best to just do it himself. But that would make it all so real. Probably too real.  
It was hard watching all these things his used to have being taken from him, his youth, his energy, did his good looks have to go too? 

If his heart wasn’t already struggling to cope with the failures of his body, then Harry Styles was about to send it into overload. Stolen glances in the hallways and coy smiles over coffees, giggles and laughter in Harry’s car and gentle kisses parked in front of Louis’ house became so commonplace that Louis found himself scarily close to dreaming about forever. Scarily close to forgetting that his forever may be shorter than most. 

Liam was perhaps a saving grace in this time, if he ever noticed the dull clamminess of Louis’ skin, no lie detector could pick it up. Liam stayed very grounded worrying about classes and homework and assignments, and every now and then panicking about one tanned beauty with deep brown eyes and perfectly coiffed dark hair. For reasons he couldn’t understand, Liam’s constant state of anxiety over things that seemed so arbitrary to Louis was strangely calming. There were a few precious seconds in the slew of words that Liam jammed together in something that he pretended was a sentence when Louis thought that maybe that looming English assignment due two days from now was the biggest issue in his life right now as well.

It was a Tuesday. It was perhaps the worst Tuesday in existence. Louis had sat, like an impatient child next to his mother, in a room that was too white and smelt like bile. He sat across from a woman with a very concerned look on her face, using words like ‘complications’ and ‘disappointing results’ and ‘more intensive dose’, she was nodding like she understood. She had this understanding, sorrowful look in her eyes as though she was doing this with Louis. But, Louis thought, she’s not dying.  
Louis wandered through the halls, casting eyes to the other children who sat in the waiting rooms. They were wrapped in blankets, or walking with coat racks that pumped vital fluids into their deprived bodies. It felt cold in there. Louis was sure that all the kids in here would be much happier if they didn’t have to stare at the pale green walls, or listen only to the sound system ratting with calls and emergencies. Perhaps if there was some sunlight, or a football pitch all of this wouldn’t be so utterly soul crushing. 

 

Johannah was silent as she dropped Louis off at his school just in time for second period and he had leapt out the door as fast as his frail feet could carry him to avoid her suggesting that he stay home and they wallow in this misery together. He placed his books carefully on the table, ever thankful that this drama class was only theory and that he knew no-one in this room.  
He scribbled pictures in the corners of his notebook, drawing patterns and little characters. It seemed impossible to concentrate on whatever his teacher was saying, the chalk markings on the board blended into each other and rearranged themselves into dancing figurines. The wood in his pencil became stone, too heavy for his bony fingers to manipulate the way he wanted them to. His lungs wheezed out each shallow breath of air heavily, his eyes began to fail to see anything at all. Suddenly there was a pain and then there was nothing. 

Harry didn’t find it particularly odd that his car ride home with Louis had become one of the most important parts of his day. After all, he had decided that Niall was his best friend in a day. Poor Niall. In between him talking about Louis and Zayn talking about Liam, Niall could barely get a word in edgeways. Harry didn’t think this was something that the Irish lad was particularly accustomed to.  
Harry and Niall lazed about in the late afternoon sun after the final bell had rung, pretending that it was providing them with any warmth at all. It was about 3:40, and Harry was beginning to wonder where Louis was, but conscious of trying to make sure that Niall didn’t feel that there was no room in Harry’s life for anyone but his car ride companion Harry turned to his friend and asked “so Niall, what lady friends have you been keeping?”  
“Lady friends? What is this, 1880?”  
“I’m just trying to take an interest in your life, Niall!” Harry retorted.  
“Well, fine.” Niall laughed. “I actually have got my eye on one rather charming little lady in my History class, she’s really intelligent actually. I have only spoken to her a handful of times, but I think she might be the one.”  
“Well, that’s a statement!”  
“She’s so beautiful. I can’t even believe that I only just started talking to her a couple weeks ago, I don’t know how I didn’t notice her before.”  
“Niall, you’re blushing. I’ve never seen you like this. Will you point her out if she comes by?”  
“Of course, mate! Only if you promise to say nothing that your mother wouldn’t say. I can’t have you fucking this up for me with your big mouth!”  
“You’re so unpleasant to me, Niall. I’ve been nothing but charming to everyone you introduce me to.”  
“Ah, there’s another thing. Don’t be too charming. Last thing I need is her asking me to give you her number.”  
“You paint me like a monster”  
“I’m a good artist.”  
Just as the boys were dissolving into a fit of laughter, Zayn strolled out the front door and slung his arms over Niall’s shoulders.  
“Gentlemen,” he sighed dramatically, “I think that history has been made today.” He looked at the boys expectantly, but carried on when they didn’t say anything.  
“You could say it’s been a mission, maybe mission impossible, but guys, today I asked Liam to go out with me. To a movie! I used the word ‘date’! And he bloody well said yes!”

Harry was taken aback, shocked and disoriented by what Zayn had said. Or really, more about how much Zayn had just said. He had never been a chatterbox, and for Zayn to say more than a few syllables at a time was simply unheard of.  
“Are you sure?” Niall said, unable to fight the smirk that flittered on his lips.  
“You fucker,” Zayn said, clapping him on the back, “of course I’m bloody sure! This Friday, I have so much to do. What will I wear?”  
“God you’re such a woman, Payne will get a right shock when he finds out you’ve got a dick”

Harry opened his mouth to speak, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw Louis stumble out the door, using the railings to support himself. Harry excused himself and ran over, the smile on his face was brighter than Louis could handle.  
“Hey Louis!” Harry beamed. “I was beginning to think you’d died in there!”  
“No, not yet” Louis mumbled.  
“Are you ready? Do you want to go now, or you can come say hi to the guys?”  
“No, that’s okay Harry. I’m not needing a lift today.” Louis said, and even speaking this little had exhausted him. There was no way he could spend any time at all with Harry, who was always so bright and enthusiastic. His limbs ached, he had bruises lining the right side of his body that he had collapsed onto during class earlier that day.  
It had taken so much begging and pleading and near-crying to convince his mother that he could finish the day.  
“What do you mean? Grown sick of me have you?”  
“No, just sick.”  
“Oh, yeah sure. I’ve got a great immune system though, so don’t worry about me catching anything.”  
Louis smiled. “I’ll see you Harry”  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa” Harry laughed, stepping in front of Louis so he couldn’t go anywhere. “Maybe I wasn’t clear, I think I’d like a kiss before you go, please”  
Louis’ heart melted when that dimple sunk into Harry’s cheek but his lips were dry and sore, almost as dry and sore as his whole body felt and he didn’t have the energy.  
“I’ll save you one for tomorrow, curly” Louis tried a nickname to soften the blow.  
“Great, and I’d also like one now”

Louis looked around at the sea of people before him, a few girls catching his eye, clearly wondering what this ghost of a person was doing with someone as magical as Harry Styles. What did Harry want from him? There were people all the time, flicking glances his way when he talked to Harry, or got in his car. He was sure they whispered about him as he walked into school, the new kid. The new kid with no friends, except for Harry and Liam. And he was always just getting into Harry’s car, did people think he was a drug dealer? Did they think he was a family friend from far away that Harry had been burdened with?  
Whatever it was that they thought, it wasn’t that this was the person the most beautiful human at this school had chosen to date.  
He felt his hands shaking as his fingers curled around the straps of his backpack.

“Well, we don’t always get what we want!” Louis snapped, and perhaps it came out a bit harsher than intended. And when he registered the look on Harry’s face, part of him wanted to take it all back. But part of him was so angry. Angry with everything and everyone and it felt like Louis had flipped a lid.  
“Okay,” Harry said, deflated. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Hope you feel better.”  
“I’m not going to feel better. I don’t need your pity or anything else. So, no you probably won’t see me tomorrow. Bye.”  
With every iota of energy he had left, Louis pushed past Harry. He made it to the road just as his mum’s car pulled up, and he had never been so thankful for her timing.  
As she pulled off, he caught a glimpse of a beautiful boy with a tear in his eye and if his body were even slightly further from the verge of breakdown his heart might have

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think/leave feedback/something because I love it. Constructive criticism is most welcome also


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